Jihad Baggage Not Allowed

The day soon approaches for our trip to Kosovo and thus the vultures begin to circle. And by vultures I mean his well-meaning(for themselves)family members with baggage, and I'm not referring to their mental issues.

Every year as we plan our sojourn to Eastern Europe for a little R&R the age old question arises, "How many bags are you allowed to take?" The answer has not changed from the beginning of international travel, er not in my economy flying lifetime anyway, but I guess they can always hope. Two per passenger. When we traveled with the kids that totalled a whopping eight bags, and mayhem and madness soon ensued.

Apparently cargo mailings are not kosher (or perhaps halal?) in the muslim religion, as the minute travel plans are announced we have more muslims (many only seen upon such occassions) on our doorstep than illegals in a field at strawberry picking time. Each bearing gifts desperately needed by family members still residing in the old country. (Which is also inaccurate as Kosovo is the newest country in the world, but I digress.)

This year, it being only the old man and I, I said, "NO!" We only get four bags after all. My dearest love agreed that being strapped to such stringent luggage rules, it was probably for the best. He didn't need to mention that I'm on every Homeland Security terrorist list created and Allah only knows what his family is liable to pack. Trust me, I'm not exaggerating, common sense is not a family trait.

So, I get everything I want, right? I get the better part of a month off, 1 week Kosovo, 1 week Dubrovnik, 1/2 week Kosovo, 1/2 week Budapest. Absolutely Fabulous! Of course not, no sooner were tickets purchased and hotels booked, (I always pay the side trips in advance to avoid extra family members joining our excursions as well as the assurance that I actually get to take them)than we get the 'must bring list' for certain persons.

Now you must appreciate the list, not only does it command what they'd like, but gives exact brand names. But I smile, pull out the wallet, curse extensively under my breath and start shopping. All's well that ends well, right? Wrong, two days ago I learn I've been preempted on our arrangement and a certain person will be packing a bag to take with us and could I please turn over my purchases to be included in that luggage. I smile, I scream, I curse, I send spells of diarrhea, (all silently naturally)and I turn over the bag.

My generous beloved has agreed to give up one of his bags to carry the extra bag and bless his heart, I hope I can some fit underwear into the ONE he will be carrying, because not a gosh darn thing is going in my TWO.

I did get one concession...his family will not meet us at the airport with said bag of jihadables, (unmatching hideous luggage held together by duct tape and razor wire). I will receive the suspect luggage the night before. Giving me the opportunity to repack it, thus matching my chic luggage, and offset profuse sweatage ensuing when asked by Homeland Security if, "I packed each bag and or received any unknown items from unknown persons?"

So let the prodding, puffing, poking, and this full body scanning commence!

Who Will Dominate the World? WalMart or Moslems?

I have to preface this blog with a note for my stalkers. If you follow me on twitter or ask to 'friend me' on facebook and your only goal is to spout your muslim rhetoric at me, please note I will delete you and/or not accept your friend request.

That being said, I'd like to thank the guy or girl who's comments I've deleted, so hard to tell from an anonymous coward, for inspiring today's short blog. I will not allow any comments to stay that propagate your agenda of world muslim domination. This is my blog, if you want to babble ignorant garbage, go get your own.

I'm participating in NaNo this month, so I don't expect to have time to write a new pithy scathing review of mine and my husband's love life again this month.

Whenever; my sweetie and I get a little tipsy we like to play a little game, yes that one too, but the one to which I refer now, we call, "Who Shall Rule the World?" If you follow the news at all, you might notice a common thread among muslim dialogue. World domination! It is absolutely their goal to convert each and every heathen alive. Whether they use force, their most popular plan, or they use soft spoken untruths, the goal is the same. Bring Islam into your household even if it means shoving it down your throat. In being fair, there are an overwhelming number of christian fundamentalist that would gladly do the same. Haven't heard of any jihading Buddist though....hmmm.

So who is strong enough to stop them? Have you tried to fight a suicide bomber? You can't win, they come prepared to go out with a bang. We've considered the vatican, but those long dresses are cumbersome to walk in, much less run. Take my word on it, I was forced to take junior high PE wearing one, makes dodge ball living hell.

We've considered all the TV evangelists we can think of, but that always ends the same. They're not committed enough to the goal. Don't judge, it'd be hard for me to give up my Rolex for a ton of dynamite too. So who? Who will step up and take the challenge?

The Chinese? Possibly, they do consider the muslim infiltration as a bothersome gnat to their own plans of taking over the world. I prefer their invasion, everyone needs thousands of worthless plastic items and electronics that only work for a day.

But that always brings us to WALMART, yes they will be the victors. There fiendish need to hunker down, run every small business owner under, and sell us more junk than we have cabinet space for, will be our salvation. You ponder ominipotently, why wouldn't they just join the terrorist plot. Take up selling head scarves or what not? They do. But are they willing to give up selling beer, wine, cheap non-hallal ground beef,or savory pig's feet, short shorts, and bikini's? There's a ton of profit in a bikini, $40 for 1/3 yard of cloth.

Feel free to leave your comments or who may save us.