Third Time... Strike or Charm?

I’m not ignoring my blog, I’ve just been stupid, crazy busy. I have to finish one complete edit of UnAltered by November 4th. The rules of submission, state that the manuscript must be mailed by that magical date and I’m only on 189 of 262 pages.
The good news is that I’ve shaved approximately 4,000 words. The bad news I may have gone a bit heavy on the contractions and once those are fixed….well, you get the gist.

Another exciting news tidbit is the uber YA agent Suzie Townsend has skipped over to the Nancy Coffey Agency and is holding a query contest next Tuesday from 9 am to 10 am, est. Anyone can enter, but wear your rhino skin as she says she’ll be brutally honest. Googling Teflon underwear shops as soon as I'm done here...

Enough excuses. I eliminated a portion of the original query and now have a shorter, more in-yo-face kind of query. Okay, maybe not, but I’m trying to learn how to roll here, be kind.

This is the end product:

Dear Ms. Thang,

According to your website, you are seeking dystopian YA with character driven plots and real emotional power. You may enjoy my novel, UnALTERED.

“Primitive birth, genetically unaltered…mutt.” All names sixteen-year-old Ezra Thibodeaux is grotesquely familiar with. But she only has one goal: be the best Cadet Smith 902 she can be. In other words, assimilate or die. But when the Freedom Fighter’s grandson, Thorne bin Laden sets his targets on her, assimilation becomes the least of her worries.

Raped, pregnant, and selected for survival exercises, she faces the toughest decision of her life. It’s made tougher when fate reunites her with a boy from her past. If she chooses to keep her baby, she must fight her way out of One Globe or die. If she doesn’t, she’ll never have to tell the boy she loves she’s pregnant…with their enemy’s child.

UnALTERED is an 78K word YA dystopian. Per your submission guidelines, I’m including the first ten pages in this email and look forward to sending the remaining manuscript at your request.

Sincerely,
ME

So, any more advice or is everyone sick to vomit of this query? I’m kinda feeling that way…

UnAltered Query Mess Numero Dos

I asked for a critique or ten of my query letter that I’m submitting for the Big Sur Writer’s Workshop and while I didn’t get ten, I did get a couple. Thank you so much Nancy and Gail for your time and assistance.

But instead of that warm, fuzzy ‘problem solved’ feeling, I now feel utterly addled. As a result, I’m going to break it down bit by bit over my next couple of blogs.

As you know by now, I deplore the longwinded; I’ll attempt to be brief.

The beginning of my query, as was posted:

Your website states that you are currently seeking YA, “…character-driven AND page-turning contemporary fiction with real emotional power; dystopian…”

My intention was to prove that I had gone to her website and researched what she is specifically seeking, without repeating her tweets and outing myself as a fangirl.

But one critiquer thinks this is grand faux pas numero uno.

That commenter, a fellow writer with extensive querying experience, stated:

“Unless an agent specifically asks for an introduction, always jump right into the meat of the query. Besides, the agent already knows which genres she reps so you don't have to remind her.”

The other commenter, one-time journalist, poet, children’s writer, etc., had a different idea:

“…SOME WANT TO KNOW STUFF LIKE WHY YOU ARE QUERYING THEM IN PARTIC, HOW YOUR BOOK FITS INTO THEIR LIST, ETC, I HEAR THIS OVER AND OVER IN AGENT PANELS AND INTERVIEWS. WHICH IS WHAT RESEARCH IS FOR. DEFINITELY DO HOMEWORK ABOUT EACH AGENT…

As I’m no expert I went to the expert’s corner…

In my world that’s Chuck Sambuchino’s blog, A Guide to the Literary Agent. All the following quotes are from his immeasurably helpful blog. (Maybe I have a small crush…)

These are a few of those wants and don’t wants in queries:

Molly Glick of Foundry Literary & Media told Chuck: “…No. 3-Proof that you have researched and hand-picked an agent…” (Maybe I will repeat her tweets…)

Janet Reid, the infamous Query Shark, says it a little differently: “…Section Three: 1. Why you chose this agent…” Essentially, keep the intro but put it at the bottom.

She also demands a query letter not surpass 250 words. I’m good there, mine currently is 203.

And I could go on and on, but your eyes are already bleeding and you’ve just scrolled down three-fourths of the page.

This is my current intro:

According to your website, you are currently seeking dystopian YA with character driven plots and real emotional power. You may enjoy my novel, UnALTERED.

So you tell me, do I scrap it or keep it or rework one more time?

A Querying We Shall Go

The upcoming writer's workshop at Big Sur requires a writing sample and query letter before I'm officially approved to attend. So, I'm asking your help. I SUCK at writing query letters.

I'm sticking in my current sample and ask for your feedback. Tear it to shreds, spare no blood, please!

Dear Amazing Uber Agent,

Your website states that you are currently seeking YA, “…character-driven AND page-turning contemporary fiction with real emotional power; dystopian…”

They say religion ended the world in a day. It only took 7 hours. And two years later it was banned. So was reproduction.

Primitive birth, genetically unaltered…mutt, 16 year-old Ezra Thibodeaux only has one goal, be the best Cadet Smith 902 she can be. In other words, assimilate or die. But when the Freedom Fighter’s grandson and future One Globe leader, Thorne bin Laden sets his targets on her, assimilation is no longer an option.

Raped, pregnant, and selected for survival exercises, escape becomes her obsession. In a rare twist of fate she’s reunited with a boy from her past and faces the toughest decision of her life. If she chooses to keep her baby, she must fight her way out. She must also tell the boy she loves that she’s pregnant…with their enemy’s child.

UnALTERED is a 82K word YA dystopian. Per your website, I’m including the first ten pages in this email and look forward to sending the remaining manuscript at your request.

Sincerely,
Lea McFalls Zeqiri

Lea McFalls Zeqiri
1234 Sunshine Ln.
Dallas, TX 75666
(469) 222-2222 cell
(888) 515-5555 fax
myunbreachableemail@yahoo.com

Now, ready, set, go...rip my heart out.